Poetry submitted by Joan on Friday, January 14, 2005 at 3:47PM :

Please Forget Me Not – A Likely Letter from Our Son to His Family

By Joan Watson
07/21/01

I’m sorry I had to leave so soon
I leave you with this thought
I loved you so despite my gloom
Please forget me not

I’m sorry I simply lost all hope
My mind was overwrought
I’m sorry I simply could not cope
Please forget me not

I would have preferred to stay
But my pain would not stop
I wish there had been another way
Please forget me not

I know it’s really hard to understand
The despair that finally brought
Me to end my life by my own hand
Please forget me not

I’m so thankful that I had all of you
For the loving ways I was taught
They had nothing to do with my being blue
Please forget me not

I lost my ability to change things
And had let myself get caught
By only the negative things life brings
Please forget me not

I’m sorry I didn’t stay to grow old
I really tried, I really fought
Hopelessness, pain and despair untold
Please forget me not

I went to sleep forever just as you awoke
Inflicting a grim onslaught
Of pain on you, that I cannot revoke
Please forget me not

So please hear my heartfelt loving plea
Accept my apology for sorrow fraught
From your disbelief and your missing me
Please forget me not

I wish you peace from all your grief
And I know you cry a lot
But I’m now at peace and have relief
Please forget me not

I love you so and ask that you forgive
My leaving, and please dread-naught
For your memories of me forever live
Please forget me not

Be happy; enjoy your remaining time
Take your sorrow and let it drop
Into the healing places of your mind
Please forget me not.

Written on a camping trip near Mazama, Washington, a day when the reality of my son’s internalized pain and anguish was overwhelming me. Was writing this poem my way to understand and accept his reason to leave our world? He didn’t leave us a note. Perhaps his words would be similar to those in this poem had he been able to write during his hell on earth those last days. Do I have the right to speak in his voice? For my own selfish reasons - to enable me to find solace - I write them anyway.